Arc of trust I : Shattered trust
by gemini-starlight
Summary: What would happen, if Tom was not playing the spy for Captain Janeway to find out the real traitor on board - but is considered to be the one betraying the ship?
1. Chapter 1

**Arc of trust I : Shattered trust**

Hey there! Welcome to my not so little fanfic about Voyager and it's great crew!  
I am new at writing in English (it's my first try to do so) – therefore please bear with any mistakes in grammar and spelling, ok? I really hope I am not that bad, so anyone who will read this actually enjoys my little tidbit of a Voyager-Fanfic.

This will actually be more than one Fic. I try to make it into five of them, which are called the "Arc of trust".  
This first one starts with the episode (in the original series), where Tom Paris played the 'traitor' for Captain Janeway to find out, who is the real spy onboard. But in my universe, there are some differences – mainly the fact, that he is really believed to be the spy. From then on that will be an AU.

Disclaimer: Voyager and its crew will never be mine. Such a shame! But I can't get, what has not been produced by my brain. Therefore only the events of "Arc of trust" is mine. I promise not to hurt the characters…not much! (smile)

Warnings: nope (for this one), later that will probably change

Rating: G for now (I change it in the later chaps)

Pairings: wait and see

Genre: Action/Adventure

I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO GET REVIEWS! CHRITICISM WILL BE WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS AND MIND, BUT ONLY IF IT'S OBJECTIVE!!! I LIKE TO IMPROVE…BUT THEREFORE I NEED TO GET ANY COMMENTS!

So now R & R! I really hope, it will be fun for you!  
geministarlight

**Chapter 1:**

It was early in the morning - for Tom anyway, who was on his way to Alpha shift. Having slept restlessly the whole night, he felt really tired. His body was aching distantly, as he strode purposefully towards the turbolift to get to the bridge.

_'What's the matter with me these last days?'_, he wondered silently as he stepped into the lift, which he gladly realized he had for himself. He wasn't sure he could handle another person right now or put up a cheerful expression before he had to by stepping on the bridge.  
_'The last five nights I got almost no sleep at all and when it was like last night - tossing and turning until I was too exhausted to move. And these aching gets more and more each day, as if…oh no, I don't want to get ill now!'_, Tom silently moaned.  
_'The Doc will have a fit, if he has to put up with me as a patient – and I can't say, I would consider myself a lucky person to be under his care. Duty with him in Sickbay is bad enough…I don't want to spend more time there.'_

As if answering his thoughts, his body relaxed and the distant aches faded away.  
For some moments the Lieutenant felt free of that constant little pains, which had hindered him the last days. A relieved smile crept onto the handsome features of the blond pilot, only to vanish seconds later to be replaced by a grimace of pain, as his whole body was flooded by waves of intense pain. Tom bit onto his lip to prevent an agonized scream and searched for the cool texture of the turboliftwalls to steady himself.

"Stop!", he said through clenched teeth and the lift obediently halted.  
But Tom only distinctly noticed the halt because he was desperatly trying to regain his senses over the pain which wracked his body. He tightly shut his eyes and tried to slow his labored breathing to get more air into his suffocating lungs.  
Then it suddenly stopped and the pilot sighed, leaning his throbbing head against the walls. He stood like this for uncounted minutes and willed himself to stop shaking so badly. His hands on the walls steadied him, but it took him nearly ten minutes to be able to stand without the help of the walls.

His eyes still closed and feeling dizzy, Tom slowly breathed in and out, a simple relaxing exercise he had learned in his Academy years. Concentrating on something  
simple and repetetive to sooth his reeling mind, which tried to find an answer to that massive pain attack. But he could not for the life of him say what had caused that attack, which nearly had had him down on the floor by its intensity.

"Holy", he breathed out. "Where did that came from?", he asked the air, not caring for an answer which naturally wouldn't come, but continuing: "Probably I should visit the Doc after all, that was not normal. I hate getting sick!"  
The last sentence was said with simmering anger at himself for catching some virus or something like that and not knowing it at all until it caused him such unease. But it could be worse, he tried to settle his mind – what he had to do now was going to the bridge and ask his Captain for letting him off his shift to go to Sickbay. He would like to have himself checked out for the causes of his pains.

Straightening, Tom set his face into a mask of his normally cheerful appearance.  
No need to worry Harry before he had the results of the tests. His friend worried so much over him, that at times Tom felt as if he was the younger, unexperienced one from the two of them. And not the other way around.  
The thoughts of his friend – his little bro, how Tom called the darkhaired Ensign sometimes fondly in his mind – transformed the forced smile on his face into a real one. The Lieutenant called himself lucky to have someone like Harry to care for him as a friend.  
  
Then he directed a command to the lift, which had stood still all the time.  
"Bridge", he said and renewed his fight in controlling his boiling unease because of this unexpected happenings. But with every second he came nearer to the bridge, his worry rose up and up, until he felt himself stiffen slightly with a sudden sense of foreboding.  
Then the doors to the bridge swished open and Tom wished he had stayed in bed this morning. His eyes took in the atmophere, which seemed to be calm and relaxed. But his gut told the pilot a totally different story – there was a tenseness in the air, close to crackling with its intensity.  
_'What happened here?'_, Tom wondered, stepping a little bit hesitantly off the lift and onto the bridge.

Noticing his presence the Captain turned around and the blond Lieutenant felt a knot tying up in his stomach. Her expression was calm, eerily calm. Too calm.  
_'Oh, I am in trouble. But what did I do now? I felt so bad these last days, I couldn't have done something unforgettable…couldn't I?'_ Desperatly trying to think through his behaviour of the last days, which was hard because of the throbbing pain in his head, Tom moved slowly forward, his gaze solely on the Captain's face.

As he tried to say something, her look hardened imperceptibly and she moved to stand. Then she curtly said: "Lieutenant, into my ready room."  
_'Her ready room? Right, big big trouble.',_ Tom thought, setting his features into an indifferent mask. He was sure, he would get to hear something he wouldn't like. Therefore it was not necessary to reveal too much of his feelings too soon.  
  
And as he caught movement in the corner of his eyes, he straightened a bit further and followed the Captain into her ready room. Outwardly collected and calm, inside his mind was wheeling with possiblities. Why had the Captain chosen Tuvok and the Commander to be there when she said what she was going to say?

The feeling of dread in his stomach increased and for a moment Tom feared another attack like the one in the turbolift would seize him. But with inner strength he fought the pain back to from wherever it came. Now was not the time to collapse from pain.  
Not in front of three persons who he held in high respect and wished the same from them.  
  
He had to be strong, like his father had told him over and over again.  
Tom could hear the Admiral's voice in his head as if the older man was standing at his side: "You are a Paris, Thomas. And our family always stand proud, even in pain or anything else. Hold yourself up in every crisis and don't put shame above that name, do you understand me?"  
_'Yes, Sir!',_ Tom silently answered sarcastically. He straightenend his long slender frame to his full height, ignoring the pain which throbbed in his head. 'A world for some hypospray to rid me of that headache!'  
Lacing his hands together behind his back, he stood still in front of the Captain's desk and looked down to her, because meanwhile the woman had taken a seat. But inspite of the height difference between them, Tom felt uneasy and smaller than her because of her look.

A look he had hoped to never see again on a face regarding him. A look she never wore before when looking at him – despite everything which had happenend in his not so easy life.  
A look of barely controlled anger.  
But that was not what made Toms heart clench.

It was the disappointment in that dark blue gaze, only thinly veiled by the anger.  
  
Disappointment in him.  
  
What had he done?

End for now…that was only the beginning. Curious? Then send me a review to make me write more and more of this fic…I really look forward to get a comment.

Make me happy!

Bye, geministarlight


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Tom barely knew where he was going to. He dismissed the newly rising pain in his body. It was overshadowed by the pain in his heart, which felt like it was carefully, methodically ripped into tiny little shreds.  
  
They believed he would betray the ship. Had betrayed the ship.  
  
And for Seska of all people!  
  
Hadn't these accusations been so hurting for him, he would have laughed at the sheer irony of the situation – Seska and he were never anything but enemies. The Cardassian had hated him from the beginning and Tom had felt strongly repulsed by her thinking and behaviour in the short time they were teammates on the Crazy Horse.  
But now the Captain, Chakotay and Tuvok were convinced he would play traitor on the only home he had since early childhood. For Seska.  
  
Like he would ever even consider doing something to bring harm to anyone on this ship! Voyager was his home, a place where he had believed to have found friends. A place where the wounds of his heart and soul would heal with time and caring people.  
But he had been wrong. The story of his life. Trust somebody with even a little piece of himself and they would throw it back into his face.  
His heart ached so strongly, Tom almost sank to his knees by its impact.  
  
He was not the traitor on this ship – never had been one in his life.  
  
But now his limit had been reached and he silently vowed to himself to never trust again. His only ever real friends had died at Caldik Prime and after some lonely years of trying to forget that accident, Tom wished again he would have died with them so they would be together in afterlife.

Stepping slowly into the turbolift, head held high despite his inner turmoil, Tom made the impression of being completely composed. Nobody would see the hurt and pain inside him at being accused so wrongly before considering all facts.

Tuvok, who came to a halt besides the younger man, couldn't read anything in the expression of the pale face. The normally laughing and vivid azure eyes of the former lieutenant were expressionless and hard, showing nothing but indifference. The Vulcan lifted an eyebrow at the composed behaviour of the blond pilot, but couldn't decide what to make of it.  
Therefore he called for the lift to bring them to Deck 15, where Voyagers brig lay.

Upon arriving there – Tom having been shown no sign of resistance or argument, but only a mask of uncaring on his face – Tuvok called to the Ensign on duty to show them the cell, where Tom would pass his day from now on until his trial would take place.

The Ensign followed his superior's command and Tom stepped into the small cell without looking back at anyone. Hearing the forcefield coming up, he briefly closed his eyes before turning around.

The Ensign had returned to his post near the door, but Tuvok remained standing in front of Toms cell. The Chief of Security looked at the young blond man, whom he had thought he had come to understand.  
But now, seeing the arctic look the deep blue eyes were giving him he was at a loss. He couldn't understand, why the pilot had done what he had done. Why would he help the Kazon in betraying Voyager? Why would he throw away the life he had build himself over the last years?

A litte doubt nagged in Tuvoks mind, but the logical part of him showed him once more the facts he had put together in clinical detail after first realizing somebody on board transmitted secret material to an at that time unknown third person outside Voyager. Tuvok had methodically gathered every hint since then and had shown it the Captain and Commander Chakotay.  
Together they had waited for the traitor to make a fault – and their patient waiting had paid off.

Yesterday they had gotten the last detail – the person itself.

It had been a shocking revelation to all three of them.

A disappointing one.

But the facts were clear and showed no flaws, even if the Lieutenant had denied it at first. Tuvok could hear him saying defiantly: "Facts doesn't always equal truth."  
Then his face had closed up, he had straightened to his full height, looked at each of them as if memorizing something – and from then on he hadn't said anything more, even as the Commander tried to get answers from him for his deed.

Tuvok sighed internally as he cast one last look at the demoted young man. The blue eyes didn't look at him anymore, but straight at some point behind him. It was as if for the pilot he wasn't present anymore. Therefore he decided to go.

As Tuvok left the place where he had been standing for over ten minutes, Tom let out an inaudible sigh. He had hoped the Vulcan would get the message and leave, but it had cost him immense strength to hold his mascarade until the older man finally left.

Now with nobody being near Tom slowly breathed in and out, forcing the pain – the physical pain from the illness he suspected he had gotten somehow – away with concentrated effort.  
Now he had no time to be wracked with pain.  
He had to solve the mess he had gotten into without him knowing.

Slowly going over the other side of his cell, he sat down on the cold bunk. Leaning on the similar cold walls he closed his eyes to appear sleeping should anyone look for him. Not that he thought somebody would come, considering the fact how Harry had avoided his eyes as he had left the Captain's ready room.

Tears suddenly stung in his eyes and Tom bit onto his tongue to prevent them from falling. The sharp physical pain of his slightly bleeding tongue overshadowed for a moment the agony of the knowledge which filled the blond man because of the fact, that Harry hadn't asked what had happened.

That meant he had known…known before Tom himself knew that he was considered to be a traitor to the ship. The betrayal of his best friend ripped his heart into pieces – how could Harry believe he would do that.  
He of all the people on board?

Had he forgotten all the conversations the two of them had over topics like family and friendship, over things like trust and loyality? Tom remembered the little details he had offered to his best friend about himself, his past, his father, his whole life…and despite of all that Harry believed he would betray everything he cared for.

Different emotions warred inside him at that point, close to exploding.

But his control – forged in the flamens of his constant war with his father – remained, if only barely. Calming himself with images of his childhood days in Ireland, where his mother's origines lay and where he had some of the more enjoyable days when visiting his grandparents there – the lush green forests, the stormy sea, the whole atmosphere – Tom put his hurt feelings aside for a moment.

Then he let his thoughts flash back to the scene, which had happened in the Captain's ready room only one hour before. A bitter smile crept onto Toms face.  
One hour?  
It felt like a whole life ago, when he had come to the bridge to ask his Captain to allow him to go to Sickbay for a check of his health. By the events that occurred after that he had decided to not say anything about his sudden pain attack.  
  
As if the physical pain could match the pain their distrust had evoked in him.

Toms bitter expression deepened, but then – with considerable effort – he smoothed his features into an expressionless mask. Nobody - not anyone - would know how much they had hurt him by the accusations they had thrown into his face.  
Breathing in and out slowly another time, Tom remembered the words the Captain had said, after she had seated herself behind her desk.

Yeah, next chapter out and done! I know it's not really long and I didn't really explain anything yet – but bear with me! The next chap will be out soon and then you will know, what exactly happenend in the ready room. Until then I would like to say "Thanks, thanks, thanks"! So many lovely reviews! (smiles happily)

You really made me happy!

**cantlivew/outHawkMash:** Thank you! And yes, you were the first one! (showering you with flowers for that)

**Katharina-B:** I'm happy to make you curious. As to why the Captain is so disappointed, you got a first impression in this litte chap. It will be explained in more detail in the next one.  
And no…Tom will really be alone for awhile. I am a litte mean to him now, but not in the long shot. Promise!  
I hope you continue with my little fic, because I have lots of more questions to throw at you! The answers will follow little by little…

**Isabelle:** Thank you! And as to what he is 'accused' to have done, you read in the chapter above. The more detailed explanation will follow in the next one. Hope you stay with me!

**Yolanda:** Thank you to you, too! Yes, there is a meaning to Tom feeling so sick, but the explanation will come little by little. Sorry to disappoint you with the special mission, but there won't be one for Tom. I have other things in mind and therefore I am a bit mean to my favourite character now for a while, but in the long shot Tom gets what he really deserves! (hugs Tom) And of course it will be a good ending for him – but not now!

**Ruth:** Thank you very much! I am glad you like my description of emotions.

**Luna:** Nice to know I could catch your interest. Hopefully I can keep it!

**Angel:** Thank you. And of course there will be lots of chapters, because I really can't write shortstories. They always get longer and longer…and this one was a five-parter from the beginning. Therefore there will be lots of things to write about my favourite Voyager character!

**bree1387**: Yeah, I always loved to read about Tom, too! And in the end, I couldn't stop myself – I HAD to write my own story about him. Especially about that episode! Glad you liked it so far!

**Daybreaq:** Thank you and I hope, I could keep your interest!

**katta16**: Thank you! Such a nice review! (hugs you) A little bit of Toms reaction you could find in this chap, but there will be a lot more of it in the following ones. His illness is another thing, that will be important for the plot, so wait and see!

**KatGurlJane7**: Hope you are still living! And thank you for your review! Toms illness…that will be explained little by little, so don't do anything drastic! I need all the readers I can get for feedback! (grins)  
**  
S.K.D.:** Thank you. Nice to hear you liked it.**  
  
**

**Thanks again for all this nice, wonderful, encouraging reviews! (smile)  
****Give me more of them, please!**

**CU, geministarlight**


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